A Wren Says

Whenever back to school time came around, it was also time to go to the store. We needed new school clothes to fit our growing bodies. I loved trying on new clothes and coming out more and more fashionable. The fitting room was a place to play. Now, I dread it.

All of these years later, the joy of going to the fitting room has been replaced with fear and disappointment. The mirror reminded of how the ravages of life’s stresses and indulgences wreaked their toll. I would enter the fitting room, hoping to find something that fit me well. I would leave convinced that perhaps nothing will. To avoid that disappointment, I told myself it was time to save money. Buying new clothes is an unnecessary expense for a fully grown adult. I should just try and make what I already had fit. But that too was a problem. The clothes didn’t fit. Not my life, not my body. Getting ready for events was a humiliation ritual. Each outfit that I planned to wear would be determined to be ill-fitting. I would then arrive to my destination late after pivoting to try to find something, anything that worked.

But now looking back on the lessons of the past, I’ve gone about this the wrong way.

When you’ve outgrown your wardrobe, be it changes in size or life circumstances, you’re supposed to find something new. You’re supposed to honor yourself with an outfit that fits. You’re supposed get new clothes for this new phase in your life.

I will release myself from the excuse that I’m saving money by not buying new clothes. I will release myself from the stress of never having anything to wear. I will release myself from the toll an ill-fitting wardrobe takes on my self-confidence. While I have the means to buy something new, I will do so.

Rather than treating this trip to the store as a failure or a sign of my past mistakes, I will treat it as it is. It’s just as a normal as going back-to-school shopping. It’s way to honor myself and where I’m headed next. I might as well look good while doing it.