A Wren Says

It is a study so often recounted in speeches and talks: The marshmallow test. The summary is that a bunch of researchers gave children a choice. You can eat this marshmallow now. Or you can wait until I come back into the room and then have two. The researcher then walks out of the room to watch what the child does. When they followed up years later, those kids who were able to wait for the second marshmallow years later were more successful. The story often told is that this is a lesson is delayed gratification. And that is the wrong story.

Come to find out, those kids who waited to eat their marshmallows? They came from homes at higher income levels. Those who were more likely to eat marshmallow were those who came from lower income homes, more food insecurity. There are all of the different correlates of success that come from different resources they would have had access to. But there is also a different experience around food. “Enjoy the marshmallow now, you can’t really be sure another one is guaranteed.”

I’ve been thinking more about how we often talk about athletes who spend all their millions and end up bankrupt. Maybe we should be telling that story differently. Maybe this isn’t about people who are bad with money but people with different life experiences that shape how they view money. “Enjoy your money now, future is not guaranteed.”

As we think about or work with people like this, maybe instead of saying they’re “bad with money,” we can spend time validating the experiences that have led to the mindset they have. Maybe we can acknowledge the excitement that comes with increased incomes and help them build the confidence that they are safe to build for the future.

Maybe neither you nor I will never be called upon as a financial advisor for a young athlete or up and coming celebrity, but that doesn’t mean this is useless information. This goes every time we want to judge someone for how they spend their money. There is a whole lifetime of experience that led to that point. I want to get more curious and find that side of the story.