A Wren Says

I saw an article from Psychology Today that asked me the question: Are you living life on hard mode?

It is a callback towards video games, where you get to choose the difficulty level of play.  Go through the world unencumbered with an easier path to victory or put more challenges in your way towards your pursuit of the goal. I have continually opted to play life on hard mode and am as a result no closer to beating this level. The biggest challenge that I have added to my game is trying to do exactly what I think everyone else is doing.

For some reason, I have been convinced that the most successful people among us are those who are able to simply rise and grind. They don’t need to-do lists; they let their passion lead the way. They don’t take breaks; they work through the night and get as minimal sleep as required for basic human functions. If I were as passionate and as destined for greatness, I wouldn’t need breaks, plans, reassurances, or anything but the pure pursuit of the grind. So, I tried to do it that way. I would get in front of my computer each day, 9-5, hoping for greatness to come my way. And it never did. I felt fatigued. My brain stalled. And I was filled with confusion on what I really needed to do and if I were really capable of doing it at all. I made no progress trying to do it that way, and that tore me up inside.  But instead of rethinking the structure of the game, I blamed the player. I wasn’t winning because I was just bad at it, not because I had rigged the game against myself.

I am slowly working to talk back to the various lies that I have told myself. I am replacing them with truths about who I am, my goodness, and my purpose. I am, at an even slower pace, rewriting the rules of the game. I am working to create processes that work for me, and only me, despite what others may be doing or saying. I don’t want to make things unnecessarily hard on myself anymore. This time, I’m giving myself the advantage.