A Wren Says

I was told that I needed to update my photos. Begrudgingly, as a camera dodger, I complied. In truth, I do my best to avoid getting my image captured because I have never liked myself in pictures.  There is always something to pick apart. The eyes caught mid or full blink. The evidence of weight gain. The childhood insecurity that grew into an adult issue. And just general doubt about how I show up in the world. None of it, if I had my way, would ever make into anyone’s photo album. And yet there I was, in a predicament when I had paid someone to take pictures of my face and my face only. There was nowhere to hide.

I admit, it was a terrifying anxiety inducing experience. But maybe it was also healing.

In that session, the photographer’s only job was to see me and capture me as I wanted to be seen. The only bad photos were those that didn’t project the sense that I wanted to convey. It wasn’t about how I looked. It wasn’t about looking good. It was all about how I wanted to be perceived at my core.

If there was no joy in my eyes, or personality in my face, that is what made for a bad photo. There were none of the critiques that I’m used to hearing, even if they are only in my own head. The only bad photos were those that didn’t show my light.

I can’t say that I am now eager for my next close up, but it was a good exercise in letting myself be seen. What a beautiful step in my personal development.