At the beginning of the year, I lost someone close to me. And it wrecked me. I struggled through grief. I went through existential crises as I came to grips with my own mortality. I wished for more time, to go back to when I naively thought we would have many more years together. And then I had to admit to myself that wouldn’t be solution I hoped it’d be. I would have more time and more of the same.
I would be the same person. I would act the same way. And then when the end came, this time many more years later, it would end with the same regrets. I would still wish for more time, more chances to do things better. More time isn’t the solution.
Be honest. Have you been in a similar situation? Maybe you’ve experienced loss and felt something like what I described. Maybe it was as benign as Netflix dropping a series you’d been meaning to watch or something as gut wrenching as losing a loved one too soon. Or maybe something somewhere in between. Did you also think, if only you had more time than you would have done xyz? Are you ready like I am to recognize that more time isn’t what you need?
I have to make a choice in the face of loss. I can continue to hope for what would have been and regret all of the should-have-dones that never were. Or I can take those lessons and move forward. I can change how I approach my existing relationships and spend my time henceforth. As I look forward to the upcoming new year, this is the choice I’m going to make. I am choosing to move forward, channeling all of those regrets and wishes into the here and now. This is the time that I have now. These are the relationships I have now. These are the opportunities I have now. Not in the past, not in a hoped for future, but now. So what’s my next move?
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