A Wren Says

I have an entire list of things I can’t do. Or rather, I have a list of things I can’t do if I want to uphold a particular image. I want to leave a good impression, even though I haven’t quite defined what that means. All I know is that, I am constantly thinking how various actions will be perceived by people. What will they think of me wearing that brand, choosing that item, or even eating that food. I have shrunk down what’s possible for me because of a manufactured idea of how everyone else is looking at me and judging me.

I’ve lived in the extreme of constantly trying to control people’s impressions of me. I want so badly for people to think positively of me that I have been very calculated in all of my movements to shape how they view me.  And now I’m exhausted.

I am (slowly) moving away from caring so much about the impression I make on people. Instead, I am shifting my focus towards the interactions I have with them. I can’t control how people view me, which I know for certain because I have definitely tried. I can, however, control how I treat them and how I treat myself.

I can build my impression of myself based on the choices I make, how I engage with others. I will focus on knowing myself in context of my past and present actions. I won’t keep reducing myself quick assessments of one-off moments or my appearance. I am releasing myself from the pressure of a good impression.