At the end of the day, my invisible to-do list haunts me. It is full of all the items that I knew I should have done but didn’t remember to do or simply put off in favor of something else. I spent the day doing things, exhausting myself, but I had nothing of value to show for it. If only I had chosen to be lazy.
I wish I had just given myself the freedom to take a nap to refresh myself when I was too tired to keep going on my tasks. I wish I had let myself sit outside in the sun when I was overwhelmed by all of those emails. I wish I let myself stare up at the ceiling when I could no long look at the computer screen. I wish I had given myself the permission to be lazy.
Instead, I’m beaten down by all of those “should have dones” I skirted by on happenstance. I just happened to watch too many videos when I didn’t want to. I got stuck in the endless scroll, but that was never my intent. I have memories of all of that unnecessary content I never meant to consume. And I still have that list of things that were never done.
If I had made the conscious choice to do nothing when everything was overwhelming, if I had consciously made the choice to engage in leisure, I would have felt renewed.
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A Wren Says 