The woman was in a rough patch. I have no idea how long it had been or if she ever got out of that struggle. All I know is that she was asking for a ride and I was willing to offer. It was a short trip from where I had met her to her extended stay hotel. As we arrived, she asked if I could spare anything for her and her daughter. I had a quick look into my wallet and decided to be (look) generous and handed her a 50 dollar bill, the only cash I had on hand. Her response, “Is that it?”
I look back at that time and question what I was thinking. The back story on me is that at the time, I wasn’t doing great financially either. In addition to the question of my personal safety, we have to throw in my own financial security. Instead, I gave what I couldn’t in hopes of gaining some psychological benefit in return. It’s as if I needed her to provide me with some validation that I was a good person more than she needed anything from me. For the sake of being esteemed by a random stranger, I acted outside of what was good for me.
This is not a PSA to be stingy. It is, however, an admonition to be mindful of why I give my money, time, and resources. I won’t do it to maybe affect other people’s opinions of me. I will do it to uphold the beliefs I have about myself and the world.
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