A Wren Says

This is the response I got to a quick snapshot of my food: “Looks like you tried to sneak up on it lol”

I admitted, “You are not wrong.”

“It’s hard to take those photos for me too but this is also the culture we are in. “Phones eat first.”

I have to admit, I am uncomfortable taking pictures, in all of the ways you can break down the meaning of that sentence. I don’t like being behind the camera. I don’t want to be in front of the lens. I also don’t really want you to give me pictures. I just am all around uncomfortable doing it. But as I have started this blog, it is a real problem that I refuse to capture images of the places I go and the foods I eat. That leads to blank pages, and maybe times when you question if I really was there.

All of this boils down to fear. Even now, or rather especially now, when everyone is trying to go viral, everyone is posting their entire life to social media, I am afraid of taking pictures because of what I think people would think. I tell myself it is because I would rather be in the moment and experience things, but really, I don’t want you to think I am shallow. I don’t want the strangers at the next booth to think I am one of those people. But it comes back again to what do I want?

What I don’t want is a life where I am forever tailoring what I do to appease a fictitious (or maybe real) judge. I want to be capable of acting as I wish, which is getting better at writing and curating this blog. And what I really want is to figure out how to finally take a good picture.