During my visit to Monterrey in Mexico, I had the desire to see a church. Problem was that no one else wanted to. They were either going on planned excursions or sleeping in. I could just do that. I could be a tagalong or head back to my room to continue watching MTV in Spanish. After all, the drama on ¿Por Qué Me Escondes? (“Help I’m in a Secret Relationship” in English) had me hooked. But really, the anxiety of traveling, walking around the city on my own as a not fluent in Spanish obvious foreigner is what really held be back.
I could let myself continue to be limited by my anxiety and fear, or I could take a walk. Still very much feeling those fears, I left my room, went down the elevator, and headed out to explore.
As I walked in that early morning air, I was joined only by those heading off to work, or already busy working. I saw a coffee stand making good business amongst the people waiting for the bus. I saw workers cleaning out the entrance to a parking garage while on the other side others were busy on a loading dock. I saw the food stands getting themselves set up for the day. And then I saw the very much barricaded church.
Then still anxious, I navigated to the cathedral. I hopscotched the sidewalks under construction. I got lost. I walked past leisurely conversations on the Macroplaza. I saw the architectural marvel that was the cathedral.
I felt foolish. The biggest thing holding me back was my fear of all the unknowns. And yet, even though I didn’t know the language or the people, somehow it felt so familiar. It was like I had been there before and wasn’t as scary as I feared. Truly, I had so many fears, and that is why I am glad I chose to go.
These types of anxieties and fears are what has largely kept me back from international travel. But now, I want to give myself more chances to address my fears and to satisfy my curiosities. I want to shrink down the world from feeling so vast and daunting to somewhere where I can see the similarities that exist among us all.
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